Managing a Pain Flare-up
Writing This Blog Through Pain
I’m having a flare-up right now. I feel the pain. I feel the frustration – the anger at myself for making mistakes I swore I’d avoid. I feel that familiar tightening in my body, the internal voice saying, "This shouldn’t be happening. I should be better than this."
But here’s the truth: pain flare-ups and setbacks happen - even to pain coaches.
No matter how prepared we think we are, they can catch us off guard. And in these moments, the challenge isn’t just the pain itself – it’s how we respond to it. Writing this blog is part of how I’m managing this moment.
It feels like good timing, as I’ve just finished the Live Well With Pain training for professionals, where I learned practical ways to manage setbacks through their 10 Footsteps programme. I’ve woven their teachings into my own approach, adding insights from my personal experience and practice.
Recognising the Setback
This is one of those setbacks – the kind where everything feels tangled and unmanageable. Maybe you know what I mean:
The pain flares up, and suddenly you can’t think straight.
You’re driven by a need to fix things, to push through, because stopping feels like giving in.
The regret kicks in. "Why did I push too hard? Why didn’t I listen to my body?"
As I sit here, I recognise that this isn’t just about my body hurting – it’s about my mindset. If I don’t pause, I’ll end up making this worse.
A Peaceful Pause - Shifting into a Learning Mindset
Pausing when I’m full of frustration and adrenaline takes perseverance – a strength that looks like softening, rather than pushing. Live Well With Pain’s approach emphasises relaxation and mindfulness, which I’ve personalised by incorporating mindful movement practices
When I notice resistance to the flare-up, I first bathe myself in good feelings so that I can accept myself just as I am and this situation I’m in.
I close my eyes and picture a peaceful place – a clearing where the light filters through the trees, and I can hear the wind.
I imagine someone I know who is deeply loving – the warmth in their smile and the kindness in their eyes. I let myself feel that kindness ripple through me.
I focus on my breath, imagining it as a wave – slowing, softening, and grounding me.
The key is to be creative and see what lands for you. There’s no perfect way to pause. It’s about playing with what helps you find that sense of ease. Similar approaches have developed in meditation, hypnosis, and mindfulness.
I then remind myself that it’s not a failure. Pain, frustration, and even distraction are part of a much bigger process. If my view is too narrow, I judge myself: “I’m failing because I couldn’t stop this flare-up.”
But when I open my view, I can see that I’m developing. I’m building sensitivity to my needs, patience, and responsiveness – I'm caring for myself and not neglecting myself. Maybe those are even more important for your long-term happiness than being pain-free right now.
The real shift is moving to: “My body needs me to attune to what’s happening so I can care for it best.”
“It’s not mind over matter – it’s mind-body together.”
A Compassionate Setback Plan
When I’m having a pain flare-up or setback, it’s easy to forget the tools that help me. So, I’ve created a setback plan to remind myself. Your setback plan might include some of the following:
1. Rest and Recovery
Rest is essential during flare-ups, but staying in bed too long can lead to stiffness and deconditioning. Aim for balanced rest:
Limit bed rest to 1-2 days to prevent deconditioning.
Alternate between resting, sitting (perhaps at the edge of your bed), and short, mindful walks. Set timers to prompt you.
Incorporate relaxation techniques like deep breathing or body awareness.
2. Physical Comfort and Posture
Your posture and how you hold yourself during a flare-up can impact how you feel. Gentle adjustments can reduce discomfort:
Use foam rollers, heat and cold packs, or massage tools to ease tension.
Adjust your setup with cushions or ergonomic supports to minimise strain.
Incorporate body awareness techniques, like the Alexander Technique, to let go of unhelpful tension patterns.
Use painkillers if appropriate, and decide in advance when and how you’ll reduce reliance to avoid overuse.
Ask yourself frequently during the activity how can you make this easier?
Read more: Pain and Posture
3. Self-Soothing, Distraction, and Support
Small, comforting experiences can help your body feel safe and supported:
Sensory grounding: Light a candle, try aromatherapy, or play calming music.
Comforting treats: A cup of herbal tea, hot chocolate, or nourishing food.
Pleasurable distractions: Watch your favourite film, listen to a podcast, or read an engaging book.
Social connection: Low-pressure interactions, like a chat with a friend or sharing a meal.
Professional care: If it works for you, see a professional you trust, such as a massage therapist, An Alexander Technique teacher or an acupuncturist.
Create a "setback box" filled with items that ground and comfort you (e.g., heat packs, relaxation tools, and affirmations).
Read more: Complementary Therapies
4. The Power of Pacing: My Anchor in the Chaos
Pacing is about finding your “Goldilocks” balance – just the right amount of activity. It’s the foundation of applying your setback plan. It’s not just about slowing down; it’s about staying steady, working with care, and looking after yourself as you go.
Today, pacing means writing this in small bursts, noticing when I’m holding my breath or clenching my shoulders, and pausing when I feel the impulse to push too hard.
Live Well With Pain’s approach emphasises the first 4 P’s of pacing, which I’ve personalised by incorporating position and posture:
Plan: I mapped out this blog in short sections so I wouldn’t feel overwhelmed.
Prioritise: I’m focusing on getting my thoughts down rather than making every sentence perfect.
Pace: I’m taking breaks before I need them – stopping when it still feels manageable.
Pause: I’ve built intentional pauses into this process – not as a countdown to work again, but as moments to reconnect with ease.
Position: Instead of sitting and typing, I use speech-to-text technology to get my words out and Chat GPT to structure and format them whilst I alternate between sitting, standing, lying down and slow mindful walking in my garden.
Posture or, what I call, embodied ease. This is a state of relaxed alignment, where the body is balanced and tension-free. It avoids both stiffness and collapse, creating a ready state, poised for movement.
5. Attitudes Driving My Pain
I’ve noticed that certain attitudes can intensify my pain and my setback plan includes noticing these attitudes, so I can begin to let them go.
Over-Seriousness and Excessive Responsibility: Feeling that every action must be purposeful and goal-oriented makes it hard to relax. I often think I need to complete just a few more tasks before I can allow myself to rest. Yet, when I finish my list, I find more to do. This relentless drive leads to rushing, frantic multitasking, and fragmented attention. My inability to pace myself means I miss out on the enjoyment of completion and rest, contributing to flare-ups.
Imbalanced Effort: Sometimes, I push myself too hard, striving for achievement without considering my limits. Other times, I might hold back, fearing failure or discomfort. Both extremes – overexertion and underexertion – can lead to setbacks.
6. Affirmations
The final part of my setback plan includes affirmations I return to during a flare-up. These are all personal, you might have to come up with your own and if any of these resonate then repeat them often. Their power grows the more we invest the right attitude and time to allow them their strength to grow in us.
Life and work need not be hard. It’s okay to slow down – I am allowed to rest.
May I live with ease and peace.
May I be safe and protected.
May I accept myself just as I am.
May I love myself no matter what.
May I hold space for discomfort without needing to fix or resist it.
May I be open to the unknown and trust that I will find my way.
May I guide my actions toward what I want and need.
The Path Forward
If you’re reading this and feeling that same frustration – the tightness in your chest, the swirl of anger at yourself – I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m living it with you right now. But this setback isn’t the whole story – it’s a chapter, not the conclusion.
Managing setbacks is about presence and perseverance. It’s about pacing and pausing when you feel compelled to push harder. It’s about making space for kindness and self-compassion.
If you want to explore these practices more deeply, download the Managing Setbacks Guide from Live Well With Pain or join me in my upcoming workshop, where we’ll dive into these tools and find ways to make them work in our real, messy lives.
